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How Does One Achieve Happiness and Balance?

Alignment & Congruence!

By Kirk Perrini, M.C., NCC, LPC

Many mental health professionals have presented the concept of intrapsychic conflict, even Dr. Freud!

Most distressed people are in conflict, or out of sync, when assessing their cognitions (thoughts), emotions (feelings) and actions (behavior). Our physiology is affected by this (called 'total behavior' by Dr. William Glasser) because when our mental and emotional health is adversely impacted, then our physical health suffers as well. Simply put, we are lying to ourselves when we are not congruent.

When we are consistent and out of conflict, then our mental, emotional and physical health improves. When our health improves, so does our personal relationships, our effectiveness and productivity at work and in our personal lives.

For those of us that appreciate concrete examples, let me share one with you.

If you want to lose 20 pounds and get off blood pressure medication, but you cheat on your diet, you skip exercising and you continue to create stress at work and at home, would you be happy?  No, of course not.

So, what this person would need to do is change what they think (lose 20 and lower BP) or change what they do.

Right now, the cognitions and actions are incongruent, which produce feelings of anger, depression or anxiety, which in turn produce increased production of cortisol in the blood stream, which not only produces physical problems (body fat, higher BP) but the emotional problems mentioned above. This incongruence then produces a cyclical effect that can be stopped and changed in order to produce a different result. This person must either become content with being overweight and having high blood pressure, or they need to alter diet, maintain a regular exercise regimen and incorporate stress reducing strategies.

Believe it or not, making peace with being overweight can slightly improve this person's stress levels over time, because the feelings of depression and anxiety will alleviate once the conflict between thoughts and behaviors cease. But, as you see, the health benefits of the first two choices far outweigh (no pun intended) the third choice. These are choices!

1st Choice: Alter behaviors to align with desired thoughts. Result would be lower body weight, lower BP and lower stress and alleviation or absence of depressed or anxious feelings.

2nd Choice: Alter thoughts to align with current behaviors. Result would be above ideal body weight and BP, but stress, anxiety and depression would lower considerably due to alignment of cogntions and actions.

3rd Choice: Keep doing what you're doing. If the BP or obesity doesn't get him/her, the stress, anxiety and depression related health costs certainly will.

Kirk is a licensed professional counselor and coach in Tucson, AZ. His practice and philosophy focuses on wellness and mental/physical health. Visit www.KirkPerrini.com for more information.